I might be excellent but I saw the ping pong thing coming from the start.

Though I thought it'd end with something like "You immediately thought they went up his butt, didn't you?"


Reminds me of this joke I used to tell as a kid...


Man walks into a Pizza place.

The guy at the counter says "What'll ya have?"

The man says "A book, please."

The guy at the counter says "We don't sell books, this is a Pizza place."


Next day, the same man walks into the same Pizza place.

The guy at the counter says "What'll ya have?"

The man says "A bike, please."

The guy at the counter says "We don't sell bikes, this is a Pizza place."


Next day, the same man walks into the same Pizza place.

The guy at the counter says "What'll ya have?"

The man says "A hammer, please."

The guy at the counter says "We don't sell hammers, why do you keep coming here?!"

First time I've ever seen 'excellent' used in that context. Rocks.

lolwut? thats the "ending" for realz? my joke at least had an ending

A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, "Got any gwapes?" "Nope, sorry," says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, "Got any gwapes?" "I already told you, no, I don't!" says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, "Got any gwapes?" "No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I'll nail your feet to the floor!"

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. "Got any nails?" the duck asks. "No, why?" the bartender asks. "Got any gwapes?"

weird thing.... I had never heard that joke before in my life. but thats the third time Ive heard it today.

That's because you're reading it aloud.

no.... no im not.

~Stretches out and yawns~

That was a pleasant nap.




The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one.
It was dubbed, 'Danny'.
Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time. We'll miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children screamed, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'


After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake?"

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor are out Sea fishing together, when suddenly their boat hits a coral bed and springs a major leak. After a moment of panic, the priest stands and say's, "My faith in Jesus will enable me to walk upon this water, just as he did." And so, he walks across the water and safely reaches shore.

The pastor stands and say's, "My faith in Jesus will enable me to walk upon this water, just as he did." And so, he walks across the water and also safely reaches shore.

The rabbi promptly stands, and wonders what to do. By this time the boat is completely submerged starboard and stern. Panic stricken, he turns against all he believes and say's, "My faith in Jesus will enable me to walk upon this water, just as he did." He steps off the boat, and plunges into the freezing depths of the sea.

The Priest turns to the Pastor and say's "Do ya think we should've told him where the rocks are?!"

why did the chicken cross the raod?














































































































































































it was stuck on the chicken freaker

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a local farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.